#25322 Name: Anonymous   4h
i don't quite understand the point of discord nitro. i've never seen a discord nitro thing that was compelling. all i'm thinking is "huh, so this person is someone who would pay money for their discord profile to have flashing animations on it. noted." like that's not a dig at the person in question, its just a choice i don't understand.
#25323 Name: Anonymous   4h
on second thought maybe i just don't understand discord. i am (in a way unrelated to my actual age) Too Old For This. i want to send someone a hand written letter like God intended is that so much to ask.
#25324 Name: avoid   6h
wow this has been the most suicidal ive ever been. like i just thought about killing myself as if i had no other choice like i cant just live another day or find a good reason enough to keep going.

ive always thought even if i think about doing it it doesnt mean ill go through with it because im a coward/pussy. but im not sure if i believe that anymore.

its scary. i dont want it to end this way.
#25325 Name: Anonymous   6h
>>25324
In the US? Call (877)235-4525 for the HopeLine and get some help. Suicide sucks and it doesn't have to end like that.
#25326 Name: Anonymous   6h
i’ll be praying for you, anon
#25327 Name: Anonymous   7h
The suicidal feelings never really leave. You just become dead inside instead of outside, so you can get on with your day.
#25328 Name: Anonymous   7h
>>25324
It's a little strange when you have to tell someone at a bus stop not to catch the bus.
#25329 Name: anon   18h
>>25324
I get you </3 i've attempted a few times and in those days it really feels like there's no other options at all, nothing to look forward to, and the thought of ending it consumes your mind and leaves nothing behind. it's such a nasty feeling and i'm so sorry you're going through that right now. suicide is one of the hardest things you can do, and avoiding it when you're feeling like this can be even harder, you're not a coward for it no matter the case.

the reason to live doesn't need to be at any high standard. for me, i just want to stick around long enough to play the ending to deltarune. waiting for media to release has always been the thing keeping me going, it can feel silly only living because another season of a kid's cartoon will release but sometimes that's just what you gotta do. can't find a good reason to live, then find a bad reason, find a mediocre reason. the reason could even be "I want to live long enough to see the day where i no longer feel suicidal"

I won't recommend a hotline, because it's scary to talk to them and they're likely unhelpful imo. but perhaps give Suicide: The Forever Decision
by Paul G. Quinnett a read, there's a free pdf floating around somewhere. it's not perfect, but he makes some interesting points that might help with perspective (he also makes other points that kinda pmo but it's worth a read)

from one suicidal person to another, I want the best for you
#25330 Name: Anonymous   1d
>>25323
I don't get discord either. Friends bugged me to use it but after a while I went back to steam.
#25331 Name: Anonymous   1d
I am feeling lonely and bored today, but it feels nice to some extent
#25332 Name: bad vibes man   1d
the instructions say… don’t post anything that’ll ruin someone else’s day…
#25333 Name: nutmeg   1d
>>25324
I'm obviously not an expert on the topic, but I’ve dealt with suicidality unmedicated since I was around 8- all I can say is life finds a way. I think the most important thing is to work on introspection, understanding what’s making you feel this way: extreme boredom with life in general, a mistake/screw-up, unhappiness for where you’ve ended up in life, a genuine chemical imbalance in your brain, etc. as well as anything you can grab onto to keep going/things you can do to help yourself.

For me, I’m the youngest in a large family (and also a wimp), so I always knew I couldn’t actually commit, but at the same time, I sort of trained myself to become motivated by uncaringness and spite for whatever’s making me feel that way. In the past year, I’ve gotten used to going through the same things that beat me down, and just learned to take a few hours or a day to dwell on it, then go “WHATEVER! The world keeps turning despite it! The days will keep coming! I’ve made it through tough times and I’ll make it through tougher times in the future, because that's all I can do. This won't matter in a month/year/five years unless I cut my time off now” and move on with the rest of the world. It's difficult, but you have to see suicide as something that isn't even an option- your most defeatist option should be that you just have to keep moving. And you can't give yourself any time to dwell on that. Every time you feel that way is a step to make the unavoidable next time easier. This is a little silly, but when dealing with negative thoughts specifically, I essentially split that part of myself into a second figure in my head expressly so I can tell it to shut up and stop being a useless catastrophizing baby. It's dumb, but it gives back some of the autonomy that it can feel like depression takes.

If you're just bored with life, >>25329 's advice is obviously great! The most important thing to realize is that you can hold onto anything. For me, often in my toughest times I survive because it's just what I have to do. I'm rewarded later on with the release of a game or show I like, something as simple as a beautiful cold morning, or the sudden, random alleviation of those feelings. If I feel those thoughts creeping in, I genuinely just distract myself all day, take care of myself, and hope to wake up feeling a little better the next day. Anything to get dopamine up! It's also important to know that this feeling specifically is often a mental manifestation of physical problems that can be fixed- you could be lacking a certain vitamin, or need to go on a medication. It could even be as simple of a (partial) solution as exercising (which has genuinely helped me) or getting out in the sun more often. Outside of that factor, you could have a perfectly normal life.

Things can get better, and they usually do, especially if you give yourself a chance. Reach out, find something you love or at least something to make you feel human, look for those that care for you.

Everyone stay safe, love you!